i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
