I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
