Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
