There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
