Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
