matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
