Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
