Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
