Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
