I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
