is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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