I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
