My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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