kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
