So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
