yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
