she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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