I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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