people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
