i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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