I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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