dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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