Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to have your abortion
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
