Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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