Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
