I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
