I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
