She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
