my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
