She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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