i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i think i just lost a toe
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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