So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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