I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
