im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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