haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The power of my boobs compel you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
