I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
