So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
