Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
