I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize