if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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