Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
