If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
