go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
