maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
