She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
