If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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