2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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