i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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