Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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