Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
