If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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