we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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