In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
