Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
