dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
