Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
