maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
