i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
