my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
