Kiss
Puke
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
