Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
