my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
