i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can I color on your dick again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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