Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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