i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
