Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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