I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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