she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
