They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
