I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
