He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
