New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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