ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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